Joke of the Day

[DavPluto]

This one?

Just wow! I don't know how they did it, but it looks amazing

[Viperenvy]

Just wow! I don't know how they did it, but it looks amazing

And next to a GT2

[ViperSRT]

Just wow! I don't know how they did it, but it looks amazing

Looks like a wrap. A copy of the wood model by chance.IMG_8020.jpg

[DavPluto]

And next to a GT2

Definitely

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Looks like a wrap. A copy of the wood model by chance.IMG_8020.jpg

Amazing!

[Fatboy 18]

A teacher asks the class to name things that eat things with the 3 letters ending in "TOR"

The first little boy puts his hand up and says "ALLIGATOR" miss.

"Very Good" says the teacher "that's a good word"

A second hand goes up, "Yes" says the teacher,

"PREDATOR" miss, "Yes that's another good word " says the teacher. "Well done".

Little Johnny puts his hand up, "Yes Johnny" says the teacher

"Vibrator" Miss, After nearly falling off her chair the teacher says "that's a big word but it doesn't eat anything"

"Well" Johnny replied "My sister says it eats batteries like anything"

[daveg]

My midget friend got thrown out of the nudist colony because he kept getting in everyone’s hair.

[daveg]

If you want to find out who loves you more, stick your wife and dog in the trunk of your car for an hour. When you open the trunk, who is happy to see you?

[DavPluto]

My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.

[daveg]

Walking home after a girls' night out, two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee.The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it.Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her panties!""That's nothing," says the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"

[Fatboy 18]

Bernie, a middle aged Jewish banker took his wife out to celebrate her 40th birthday.

He says to his wife “So what would you like for your birthday Julie? A Rolls Royce, gold and diamond Rolex, a Sable coat, a diamond necklace maybe?”

She says “Bernie, I want a divorce”.

He says “I wasn’t planning on spending that much”.

[Fatboy 18]

With a very seductive voice, my wife asked me, “Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?”

“No,” I said.

She gave a sexy smile, unbuttoned the top 3 / 4 buttons of her blouse, and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra, and pulled out a crumpled 20 Dollar bill. I took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her and smiled approvingly.

She asked me, “Have you ever seen Fifty Dollars all crumpled up?”

“Uh… no, I haven’t,” I replied, with an anxious tone in my voice.

She gave another sexy smile, pulled up her skirt, and seductively reached into her tight, sheer panties… and pulled out a crumpled Fifty Dollar bill.

I took the crumpled Fifty Dollar bill and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation.

“Now,” she said, “have you ever seen 100,000 Dollars all crumpled up?”

I said “No!”, trying to hide my arousal.

She said ….. “Check the garage.”

[Fatboy 18]

At this time of the year with the dismally bad weather my thoughts turn to holidays .
This always causes rows with the wife .
I want hot sun ,glorious beaches ,fabulous food ,plenty of alcohol and frequent sex .
The problem is the wife , she wants to come too!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My wife said that sex was so much better on holiday. That was a hard postcard to read!

[Fatboy 18]

Frank, an eternal optimist, always looked on the bright side. He would constantly irritate his friends with his eternal optimism. No matter how horrible the circumstance, he would always reply, "It could have been worse."

To cure him of his annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a situation so completely bad, so terrible, that even Frank could find no hope in it.

On the golf course one day, one of them said, "Frank, did you hear about Tom? He came home last night, found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both and then turned thegun on himself!"

"Omg. That's awful," said Frank, "But it could have been worse."

"How in the hell," asked his bewildered friend, "Could it have been worse?" "Well," replied Frank, "If it happened the night before, I'd be dead now!"

[Fatboy 18]

Good deed for the new year done already.

This morning, at the supermarket checkout, I was behind an older lady in the queue. Her total came to £56 but when she tried to pay, her card was repeatedly declined.

I've had a pretty good 2021 financially and thought about my grandma and hoped that someone would help her out in a similar situation.

The old lady didn’t want me to help her but I insisted, and in no time at all, we had all her shopping back on the shelves.

Let's try and help each other out more in 2022.

[daveg]

Let's try and help each other out more in 2022.

My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. I’ll start tomorrow.

[AZTVR]

Just having a drink and a chat with a bloke over a pint in my local last night. I discovered he was worth around £4 million and he told me the amazing story of how he got so rich.
Basically when he left school he had little or no formal qualifications but he was good with his hands and he knew how to sell. He knew he was never going to make it in an office job so it was nose to the grindstone time. He left school at 15 and bought an old series Land Rover and spent a few weeks fixing it up, he then sold it for profit. He then used the money to buy another and so on. He did this a lot over the next 35 years, buying, repairing, selling, buying again.
He eventually moved onto Defenders in the 90's and then onto Range Rovers in the last eight or nine years. Even during the real bad times he plugged away. He worked long hours as you do in the Land Rover trade, sometimes not seeing his wife and kids for days in pursuit of his goal.
Then his uncle died and left him £4 million.
A real heartwarming story.

[sonicbloo]

With Valentines day just around the corner, I thought this might be topical


My wife sent me a text "your amazing"

I replied back "No, you're amazing".

Now she is walking round with a big grin on her face.

............All because I corrected her grammar.

[Fatboy 18]

Just having a drink and a chat with a bloke over a pint in my local last night. I discovered he was worth around £4 million and he told me the amazing story of how he got so rich.
Basically when he left school he had little or no formal qualifications but he was good with his hands and he knew how to sell. He knew he was never going to make it in an office job so it was nose to the grindstone time. He left school at 15 and bought an old series Land Rover and spent a few weeks fixing it up, he then sold it for profit. He then used the money to buy another and so on. He did this a lot over the next 35 years, buying, repairing, selling, buying again.
He eventually moved onto Defenders in the 90's and then onto Range Rovers in the last eight or nine years. Even during the real bad times he plugged away. He worked long hours as you do in the Land Rover trade, sometimes not seeing his wife and kids for days in pursuit of his goal.
Then his uncle died and left him £4 million.
A real heartwarming story.