Joke of the Day

[Fatboy 18]

[Fatboy 18]

[Fatboy 18]

A Halloween treat

A wife got a terrible headache, and told her husband to go the Halloween party alone.

He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going.
So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awoke with no headache and, as it was still early, decided go to the party.

Since her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice 'chick' he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.

His wife went up to him and, being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.

After more drinks, he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed.
So off they went to one of the cars and made passionate love in the back seat.

Just before the unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home. She put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had.
'Oh, the same old thing.
You know I never have a good time when you're not there.'
Then she asked, 'Did you dance much?'

He replied, 'I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening.'

'You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!' she said with unashamed sarcasm.

To which the husband replied, 'Actually, I gave my costume to your brother. Apparently he had the time of his life!'

[Fatboy 18]

Is anyone on here interested in a FREE helicopter ride for 4 people? We still have two spaces available!
We leave early Saturday (November 7th) morning from Northeast Florida Regional Airport and will fly to Savanah, where we will have breakfast, then fly to Charleston and have lunch on a yacht.
Then we’ll fly along the coast to somewhere for dinner, before flying back to Northeast Florida Airport.

If interested please pm me....
Note - you must have a helicopter and yacht!
Otherwise we can't go..

[Fatboy 18]

A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona when he notices that the oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.

After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands he makes a real mess trying to eat with his flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says "It looks like you blew a seal."

"No no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."

[TheMadMachinist]

IMG_0249.JPG

[Fatboy 18]

One for the Lawyers......................

Do YOU appear in the form of water droplet?

Are YOU found on grass and windows in the morning?

If so you may be dew condensation!

[Fatboy 18]

A soldier was walking across the Wal-Mart supermarket car park and found a distraught woman sobbing.

He asked her what was the problem and she explained that she's left her keys inside the car.

"Don't worry," he replied. "I can help."

The woman looked at him in amazement as he removed his trousers, rolled them into a tight ball and rubbed them against the car door.

Magically, it opened.

"That's so clever," the woman gasped. "How did you do it?"


"Easy," he replied. "These are my khakis

[Fatboy 18]

A mother is driving her little girl to her friend's house for a play date. ' Mummy ,' the little girl asks, 'how old are you?'

'Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,' the mother replied. 'It's not polite.' 'OK', the little girl says,

'How much do you weigh?'

'Now really,' the mother says, 'those are personal questions and are really none of your business.'

Undaunted, the little girl asks, 'Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?' 'That's enough questions, young lady! Honestly!'

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play. My Mum won't tell me anything about herself,' the little girl says to her friend.

'Well,' says the friend, 'all you need to do is look at her driver's license. It's like a report card, it has everything on it.'
Later that night the little girl says to her mother, 'I know how old you are. You are 32.'

The mother is surprised and asks, 'How did you find that out?

'I also know that you weigh 130 pounds.'

The mother is past surprised and shocked now. 'How in Heaven's name did you find that out?'

'And,' the little girl says triumphantly, 'I know why you and daddy got a divorce.'

'Oh really?' the mother asks. 'Why?'

'Because you got an F in sex.'

[Fatboy 18]

Best T Shirt ever

[Fatboy 18]

I joined a gym based on their “lose weight, feel great” slogan. 6 months in, nothing!

If anything, I’ve put on weight and I still feel as slovenly as ever. If this carries on, I’ve half a mind to actually go there and see what the hell they’re up to with my $50.00 a month!

[Fatboy 18]

Got my wife a job in the CIA so i don't have to hear about how her day went.

[Fatboy 18]

One from the UK.......

The only cow in a small village in Wales stopped giving milk but the village folk found they could buy a cow in Scotland quite cheaply. They brought the cow down from Scotland and took it to the village. It was absolutely wonderful. It produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.

They brought a strong Welsh bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again. They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away, disinterested. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from him and he was never able to do the deed

The people were very upset and decided to go to the Vet, who was very wise, tell him what was happening and ask his advice.

"Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away, if he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side."

The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking, "Did you by any chance buy this cow in Scotland?"

The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow down from Scotland.

"You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you possibly know we got the cow from Scotland ?"

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye:

"My wife's from Scotland"

[daveg]

Two men talking on a bus:
“I’ve been riding this bus to work for 15 years now.”
“Lord Almighty, where did you get on?!

[Fatboy 18]

R.I.P. Chuck Yeager

[AZTVR]

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R.I.P. Chuck Yeager

PERFECT !!!

[daveg]

My Grandpa once told me, “If you’re not in bed by 10 PM, you might as well go home.”

[Fisher]

Got my wife a job in the CIA so i don't have to hear about how her day went.

Yes, it's a dream!!!

[Fatboy 18]

There was this young lad, about 14 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a house of ill repute and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the lad and asked what he wanted.

He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it."

The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked.

He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?"

Of course the Madam said no.

He said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want."

Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.

He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door. The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?"

He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant for dinner, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute young lads. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll jump the baby-sitter's bones, and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease, and HE'S the son-of-a-bh who ran over my FROG!"

[Viper98]

Man has been out for 10 hours ice fishing and hasn’t got a nibble. He’s about to pack up and go home when an old man shows up and drills a hole about 20 feet away. The first guy says “No good here” and turns away. Bam! The old man caught one. With a surprised look the first guy says “Lucky” and heads back to fish, hoping the luck has changed. After 20 minutes and catching nothing, but the old man keeps catching fish, the guy asks “What’s the secret?” The old man mumbles something, “what” says the first guy. The old man, again, mummbles. “I don’t understand” says the first guy. The old man spits out something and says, “ya gotta keep the worms warm!”

[Fisher]

Man has been out for 10 hours ice fishing and hasn’t got a nibble. He’s about to pack up and go home when an old man shows up and drills a hole about 20 feet away. The first guy says “No good here” and turns away. Bam! The old man caught one. With a surprised look the first guy says “Lucky” and heads back to fish, hoping the luck has changed. After 20 minutes and catching nothing, but the old man keeps catching fish, the guy asks “What’s the secret?” The old man mumbles something, “what” says the first guy. The old man, again, mummbles. “I don’t understand” says the first guy. The old man spits out something and says, “ya gotta keep the worms warm!”

There is some truth in this joke - the ordinary older generation is ready for any exploits

[Viper98]

I once bought a wooden car.
Wooden engine, wooden doors, wooden wheels, wooden seats.
Put the wooden key in the wooden ignition:
Wooden start!

[Fatboy 18]

I once bought a wooden car.
Wooden engine, wooden doors, wooden wheels, wooden seats.
Put the wooden key in the wooden ignition:
Wooden start!

This one?

[Fatboy 18]

Apparently, women make the best archeologists! It because they have an inbuilt ability to dig up the past!

[Fisher]

This one?

It would be interesting to find a video about making this wooden model!