Most Honest Viper Craigslist Ad Ever this is awesome!!!!! must read!!!!

[FSTENUF]

Most Honest Viper Craigslist Ad Ever
Milky
Yesterday 9:53amFiled to: Viper
334.8K
387
116

Okay. Full disclosure. I almost killed myself in it.

It is VERY powerful. Extremely, EXTREMELY fast.

I’ve driven Ferrari’s that don’t feel as crazy as this thing. I am frankly afraid of it now.
That’s right. It’s in my garage and I’m afraid to drive it because it’s like a crazy steroid bull that wants to kill me.
I’ve done 130 mph on a Ducati while laughing into the face of death. The viper is a completely different bowl of crack. The engine sounds like 40 pit bulls eating kittens while lifting weights.
I cannot truly explain it’s power. It has whiplash acceleration in 3rd gear at 50mph. That sentence doesn’t even make sense. But it’s true.
That’s why I’m telling you. I will not have your soul on my conscience.
You need to know what you are getting into. What insane level of crazy you are buying.
Can you resist the urge to mash down the accelerator? Can you? Because it’s like owning your own demon. A demon that wants to kill you. We all know one person that for the right amount of money would kill you. But since no one is paying, they smile in your face and go about their day.
It’s like that except the Viper doesn’t bother to ever pretend it doesn’t want to kill you.
And it will do it for free.

Some brilliant engineer designed a beautiful sexy bulging body, fantastic suspension, great handling, aerodynamics, and all American style. While he was out on his lunch break, some demented maniac dropped 100 times more engine power than necessary into it and sent it out the door. It’s mentally unbalanced.

Look,
If you are the type of person that can be talked into having one more drink at midnight when you have a very important presentation or interview early the next morning, then the Viper is not for you.

The whole car is constantly whispering sweet lies to you.
“You got this”.
“Open me up and ride free, you got this”
“What are you a pussy?”
“Just do it”, “Do it”, “you got this”.

Do not do it. You don’t got it. You ARE in fact a pussy. And as we all know, pussy is mad good. But not that good.
You will sit on the curb and settle your heart after it tries to kill you the first time.
You will get back inside and it will immediately get back to the business of trying to get you to let it murder you.
“You got this. This time you know. That last time was just a fluke. You ain’t no pussy”.

Repeat after me.
You
Don’t
Got
This.

But for $30k you can look the devil in the eye and take this ride.

You were warned.
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[FSTENUF]

If the VOA is in need of a writer for any upcoming story's this mite be a great contact for color commentary.

[1of1TA1.0]

Houston VOA sent this out yesterday, it is so awesome and this guy has a very unique approach. He didn't mention anything about condition or anything. Master Marketer!

[Newport Viper]

Hey over 140k + miles in the Widow maker here. Just go for it. Don't punch it unless wheels are straight. Even then make sure have good life insurance..

[Boba Fett]

entertaining to say the least

[USCDOC]

Wahahahahahahahhaha

[Viper Guy]

LOVE IT!!!

Chris -

[davidm0209]

Guy must have taken a creative writing class in school! Love the ad!

[Special Ed]

I saw this on FB, I said it was the best "Your Not Man Enough" sales pitch I've seen. I sure there was someone hooked and reeled in.

[ViperPete]

Thanks for posting it here! I posted it on facebook last night!

I loved the ad!

[Atari_Prime]

I loved this, very funny...and very true.


http://oppositelock.kinja.com/most-h...ver-1782809075

[texasram]

130 on a ducati scares him? i was mad when my buell ran out of gears at 140

[Viper Girl]

That Viper probably has original tires on it... LOL he probably did need a change of clothes after driving it

[SuperBird4404BBL]

I'm glad someone saved the ad.
Hilarious.

[Fatboy 18]

Just showed this to the Other Half, she replied " That's Exactly how I feel when I get in the car and now no longer want to ride in it"

Fair enough

[ClayR]

Yup, someone tagged me in it yesterday. Awesome Sauce.

[PAVenomRT/10]

This guy must have been in CO smoking something unique to that state when he wrote that. Great job!
PAVenomRT/10

[BrianACR]

Just showed this to the Other Half, she replied " That's Exactly how I feel when I get in the car and now no longer want to ride in it"

Fair enough

Lol I just got my wife to read it and she had pretty much the same reaction. I, on the other hand, found it an extremely entertaining (if not somewhat true) add

[Vprbite]

It's a great read. No question. He also managed to get (I assume) a ton of interest while not mentioning condition or miles or issues or upkeep. So, well done.

And yes, it probably has original tires. The torque from the gen II comes on fast, but not so much as to render it completely uncontrollable in 3rd gear. With original tires as hard as hockey pucks though t would be like driving on ice. And very not fun.

Anyway, I guess he is legally clear if the new owner does on their way home from purchasing it.

[1ststrike]

Thanks for Posting. Love his interpretation of the car and that he says nothing about condition of the car for sale. Practically no description except for the DEMON. I guess that's enough.

[Geronimo]

The most B.S I have ever to sell a car lol.

[Vprbite]

I bet this is really a case of someone knowing how to get attention and doing it. He probably sold the quicker than just listing condition and miles.

[Policy Limits]

Went viral. Funny from here in RI, the biggest little state in the union.

[doncmleon]

viral.....to this day...amazing lol