Car and Driver Column by John Phillips - aka Viper Bashing!

[Joel]

Just got my new Car and Driver - which is starting to resemble Mustang Quarterly. John Phillips, who used to be kind of a car guy, really took a swing at the Viper all generations. Bad hunting dogs have a good name compared to what John says about Vipers. I sent off a letter to the Editors in response and I hope some of you will do the same. Can't cut and paste the article but I'll try to get online and get it.

[Viper Girl]

This guy? Why should we care what he thinks? LOL



COLUMN
Car guys are proud of the automobiles they’ve owned. So I made a list of my own cars, and I’m not proud. In my defense, I’ve driven press cars for 28 years—a perk for which I’m thankful every waking moment—so some of my selections have been flaky, spontaneous, and suitable only for the planet inhabited by John Malkovich.
1961 VW Beetle, with canvas sunroof: This is the car in which I learned to drive, plus do some other things that I’m not proud of. My father and I put three engines in it. Someone discarded a huge cardboard refrigerator box by the side of the road, and I pushed it at least a mile with the Bug, which so amused my girlfriend that she peed her pants—the first and last time I impressed a girl with a car. The VW was so rotten that when I jacked it up to change a tire, the frame just bent, with no wheel leaving the ground. I once drove it two days with the left valve cover missing, draining all of the oil. Damage to the engine: none. When I traded in the VW, the salesman gave me $27.
1970 Ford Mustang Boss 302: Coolest car I ever owned, and the only one I’d like to have back. I gutted the interior, installed a roll cage, fitted pistons that raised the compression until the engine would barely crank, then raced it in the A-Sedan category. Crashed at Mosport into a sign that said, “Have a Coke,” after which the sign said, “Have a.”
1972 Toyota Corolla, 73 horsepower: Wouldn’t start if it sat all night in the rain, so I’d routinely remove the distributor cap, rotor, and spark-plug wires and store them in the oven overnight. Crashed it in Burlington, Ontario, while drifting on snow trying to impress my friend Bill Adam, who also peed his pants.
1963 Ford Ranch Wagon, 352-cubic-inch V-8 (below): I used the wagon to tow my Boss 302, a task for which it was uniquely unfit. On the way to Road Atlanta, a muffler fell off a truck ahead of me, penetrated my wagon’s grille, and so thoroughly cannonballed the radiator that even the cabin filled with steam.
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1970 Audi 100LS: Previously my father’s car, this was the first Audi model sold in America. It had inboard front discs located next to the engine, meaning the pads were always hot enough to melt kryptonite. Whenever I changed the oil, I had to change the pads. One day, the gearshift broke off in my hand. Later in life, I met Ferdinand Piëch. He told me, “Zat iss ze vorst car I ever vorked on.”
1971 Corvette race car: This A-Production racer replaced my Boss 302. It was way quicker than my reflexes. I raced it once at Mosport, where the engine seized on the final turn. I didn’t declutch fast enough, the rear wheels locked, and I spun into the pit entrance, blocking it for a lap. I sold the Corvette to a man with a pet raccoon.
1968 Plymouth Satellite sedan, L-6: This was the initial salvo in my “Trying to Settle Down” period. Forgot to winterize it, and the slant-six’s block developed a crack that resembled the San Andreas fault. I dumped maybe a gallon of Bar’s Leaks in the crankcase and callously sold the car to a naïve teenager. I am not proud of this.
1976 Dodge Coronet Custom, 318 cubic inches (below): Purchased it new—complete with a dented fender the salesman promised to fix but didn’t—because it came with a warranty. I was sick of fixing cars. About the third day I owned this car, I recall staring at it in my driveway as if it were a meteorite or a mastodon, wondering how it had arrived there.
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1970 VW Westfalia camper: The engine produced 65 horsepower, top speed was 72 mph, and this bus was so susceptible to crosswinds that its shape was later copied to create the first hang glider. I camped in it once and got a ticket from a park ranger for playing the AM radio after 10 p.m. Blew up the engine in Chicago. On purpose, I think.
1978 Ford Fairmont sedan: The Fairmont remains high on every list of the most despicable cars ever built by anyone more than 12 years old. The driver’s seatbelt never worked. The transmission reduced itself to thousands of bottle caps at 10,000 miles. On the way to Elkhart Lake, the headliner collapsed, plunging me into darkness. The seats were covered in a vinyl that Mattel would have rejected. Think of the person you most hate on this planet. (Feel free to include a circus clown.) I hated the Fairmont more than that.
1974 Porsche 911 S Targa: Beautiful car, with a Carrera RS front valance, which offered no place for a license plate, which got me busted by the same Ontario Provincial policeman three times. The Targa was the perfect example of a car I could afford to buy but not maintain. No one told me about tightening the timing chains. Which is why the engine explosively blanketed Sylvania, Ohio, in a blue-white fog that maybe cured the town’s mosquito infestation for years.
1980 VW Rabbit (below): This was a Westmoreland Rabbit, with the cool rectangular headlights. The odometer failed at 9000 miles, and I waited two years to fix it, garnering useful free warranty work in the interim. I am not proud of this.
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1986 Merkur XR4Ti: I purchased the Merkur because C/D claimed it was the next BMW 3-series. Bastards. Instead, it was more like a bottle of single-malt Macallan left in your front yard. Gone overnight. At 30,000 miles, the turbo’s bearings no longer had a bearing on anything.
1997 Toyota Camry CE: Manual locks, manual windows, manual five-speed. I named the car “Manual.” For 140,000 miles, nothing broke. Once I realized it wasn’t going to break, I got rid of it. Are you kidding? I don’t have to put up with crap like that.
1999 Ford Crown Victoria Police Interceptor: I was watching way too many episodes of Cops. The Vic made me feel powerful because it intimidated fellow drivers. Except everyone ahead of me drove 5 mph below the limit. Road rage ensued. I feared I’d appear in my own episode of Cops.
1991 Chevrolet Caprice wagon (below): With a 415-hp, 415-cubic-inch Lingenfelter engine, this is a car that made as much sense as Sarah Palin on New Year’s Eve. Plus, it’s as long as many of Todd’s snowmobile races.
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2009 Toyota RAV4 V-6 4WD: The 2008 RAV4 won a C/D comparo that I wrote. Me. So, for the first time in my life, I’ve taken my own advice. This may well put a curse on Toyota forever. I’m not proud of that.

[Coloviper]

I believe that is him, absolutely irrelevant to the true sports car world. It's funny as I use to stop by the supermarket magazine rack and thumb through or buy a few magazines from time to time. Mainly car magazines but the last year and today, I don't even bother to look at that section of the magazine rack anymore. Just nothing of real interest there. I suspect the article is 90% rehashed garbage of other writers over the years. Don't feed into it as those articles are basically printed click bait (response) type of articles. In the end, if the Viper is such a nobody they would not write about it. Nobody wastes such time on a nobody. Ha! Ha!

[swexlin]

I agree with him about the 78 Fairmont. My dad had one - the 78 Futura model. I took my PA driver's test in that car (and passed 1st try) and it took and picked me from freshman year of college. He ownered it from 78-83, and the only BIGGER POS car ever was the one he owned before it - a 74 Datsun B210 hatchback

[ACRucrazy]

I care what someone who doesn't own a Viper thinks? Nope.

[Shooter]

I care what someone who doesn't own a Viper thinks? Nope.

This about sums it up.

[Joel]

The very same John Phillips. Any guy who writes a book about questionable cars they have owned ought not opine about Vipers! But I thought it was worth coming to our defense one more time... LOL

This guy? Why should we care what he thinks? LOL



COLUMN
Car guys are proud of the automobiles they’ve owned. So I made a list of my own cars, and I’m not proud. In my defense, I’ve driven press cars for 28 years—a perk for which I’m thankful every waking moment—so some of my selections have been flaky, spontaneous, and suitable only for the planet inhabited by John Malkovich.
1961 VW Beetle, with canvas sunroof: This is the car in which I learned to drive, plus do some other things that I’m not proud of. My father and I put three engines in it. Someone discarded a huge cardboard refrigerator box by the side of the road, and I pushed it at least a mile with the Bug, which so amused my girlfriend that she peed her pants—the first and last time I impressed a girl with a car. The VW was so rotten that when I jacked it up to change a tire, the frame just bent, with no wheel leaving the ground. I once drove it two days with the left valve cover missing, draining all of the oil. Damage to the engine: none. When I traded in the VW, the salesman gave me $27.
1970 Ford Mustang Boss 302: Coolest car I ever owned, and the only one I’d like to have back. I gutted the interior, installed a roll cage, fitted pistons that raised the compression until the engine would barely crank, then raced it in the A-Sedan category. Crashed at Mosport into a sign that said, “Have a Coke,” after which the sign said, “Have a.”
1972 Toyota Corolla, 73 horsepower: Wouldn’t start if it sat all night in the rain, so I’d routinely remove the distributor cap, rotor, and spark-plug wires and store them in the oven overnight. Crashed it in Burlington, Ontario, while drifting on snow trying to impress my friend Bill Adam, who also peed his pants.
1963 Ford Ranch Wagon, 352-cubic-inch V-8 (below): I used the wagon to tow my Boss 302, a task for which it was uniquely unfit. On the way to Road Atlanta, a muffler fell off a truck ahead of me, penetrated my wagon’s grille, and so thoroughly cannonballed the radiator that even the cabin filled with steam.
__________________________________________________ ______________



__________________________________________________ ______________
1970 Audi 100LS: Previously my father’s car, this was the first Audi model sold in America. It had inboard front discs located next to the engine, meaning the pads were always hot enough to melt kryptonite. Whenever I changed the oil, I had to change the pads. One day, the gearshift broke off in my hand. Later in life, I met Ferdinand Piëch. He told me, “Zat iss ze vorst car I ever vorked on.”
1971 Corvette race car: This A-Production racer replaced my Boss 302. It was way quicker than my reflexes. I raced it once at Mosport, where the engine seized on the final turn. I didn’t declutch fast enough, the rear wheels locked, and I spun into the pit entrance, blocking it for a lap. I sold the Corvette to a man with a pet raccoon.
1968 Plymouth Satellite sedan, L-6: This was the initial salvo in my “Trying to Settle Down” period. Forgot to winterize it, and the slant-six’s block developed a crack that resembled the San Andreas fault. I dumped maybe a gallon of Bar’s Leaks in the crankcase and callously sold the car to a naïve teenager. I am not proud of this.
1976 Dodge Coronet Custom, 318 cubic inches (below): Purchased it new—complete with a dented fender the salesman promised to fix but didn’t—because it came with a warranty. I was sick of fixing cars. About the third day I owned this car, I recall staring at it in my driveway as if it were a meteorite or a mastodon, wondering how it had arrived there.
__________________________________________________ ______________



__________________________________________________ ______________
1970 VW Westfalia camper: The engine produced 65 horsepower, top speed was 72 mph, and this bus was so susceptible to crosswinds that its shape was later copied to create the first hang glider. I camped in it once and got a ticket from a park ranger for playing the AM radio after 10 p.m. Blew up the engine in Chicago. On purpose, I think.
1978 Ford Fairmont sedan: The Fairmont remains high on every list of the most despicable cars ever built by anyone more than 12 years old. The driver’s seatbelt never worked. The transmission reduced itself to thousands of bottle caps at 10,000 miles. On the way to Elkhart Lake, the headliner collapsed, plunging me into darkness. The seats were covered in a vinyl that Mattel would have rejected. Think of the person you most hate on this planet. (Feel free to include a circus clown.) I hated the Fairmont more than that.
1974 Porsche 911 S Targa: Beautiful car, with a Carrera RS front valance, which offered no place for a license plate, which got me busted by the same Ontario Provincial policeman three times. The Targa was the perfect example of a car I could afford to buy but not maintain. No one told me about tightening the timing chains. Which is why the engine explosively blanketed Sylvania, Ohio, in a blue-white fog that maybe cured the town’s mosquito infestation for years.
1980 VW Rabbit (below): This was a Westmoreland Rabbit, with the cool rectangular headlights. The odometer failed at 9000 miles, and I waited two years to fix it, garnering useful free warranty work in the interim. I am not proud of this.
__________________________________________________ ______________



__________________________________________________ ______________
1986 Merkur XR4Ti: I purchased the Merkur because C/D claimed it was the next BMW 3-series. Bastards. Instead, it was more like a bottle of single-malt Macallan left in your front yard. Gone overnight. At 30,000 miles, the turbo’s bearings no longer had a bearing on anything.
1997 Toyota Camry CE: Manual locks, manual windows, manual five-speed. I named the car “Manual.” For 140,000 miles, nothing broke. Once I realized it wasn’t going to break, I got rid of it. Are you kidding? I don’t have to put up with crap like that.
1999 Ford Crown Victoria Police Interceptor: I was watching way too many episodes of Cops. The Vic made me feel powerful because it intimidated fellow drivers. Except everyone ahead of me drove 5 mph below the limit. Road rage ensued. I feared I’d appear in my own episode of Cops.
1991 Chevrolet Caprice wagon (below): With a 415-hp, 415-cubic-inch Lingenfelter engine, this is a car that made as much sense as Sarah Palin on New Year’s Eve. Plus, it’s as long as many of Todd’s snowmobile races.
__________________________________________________ ______________



__________________________________________________ ______________
2009 Toyota RAV4 V-6 4WD: The 2008 RAV4 won a C/D comparo that I wrote. Me. So, for the first time in my life, I’ve taken my own advice. This may well put a curse on Toyota forever. I’m not proud of that.

[gfviperman]

Hopefully, someone will post the article ...

Don't want to spend anymore $$ on that rag than necessary ...

[Bill Pemberton]

I saw the picture , which one is John????

[ViperSmith]

These are just writers who could be writing about anything. They are English majors.

They could be writing about dishwashers for all they care.

[Mr White]

No skin off my back, plenty of people hate the things I like.

The more of them that are that way, is more opportunities for me. It's kind of the same way with chubby chicks...

[braunstein82]

Read that. Was gonna post it too. I have learned over Years that car and driver almost always picks Chevy over everything, regardless of stats.

[Joel]

They are currently on a Mustang high right now. Mustangs on four covers in the last year. They won't test a Challenger against the Mustang and Camaro because they say it "lost" a comparison in 2014. I guess they are scared to drive a Hellcat - might be a Viper in disguise. Once you get through with the 5% of the time you really push your car on a road course or dragstrip and want to go enjoy it every day, the Challenger wins the comfort race hands down - looks too! The new Mustangs and Camaros are nice performers but very small cars inside - for us full figured guys! But that's why they make all kinds of flavors of cars and ice cream. I think Car and Driver has forgotten that.

Read that. Was gonna post it too. I have learned over Years that car and driver almost always picks Chevy over everything, regardless of stats.

[Vprbite]

A car magazine trashing the Viper. Surprises me about as much as if they had an article that said "the sky is blue".

Just like sports writers trash athletes because they are frustrated athletes who never had the skill to make it, most car writers are mad they can't drive race cars so they pick everthing apart about a car that doesn't do most of the driving sand the coolest person in the world they destroy it in their rag. And since the Viper does you no favors and makes you earn your lap times, it continually gets destroyed.

[SA Heat]

Angry letters lets him know people are reading his articles and he's creating the controversy he wants. I wouldn't waste my time.

[Mr White]

Angry letters lets him know people are reading his articles and he's creating the controversy he wants. I wouldn't waste my time.

in a world ran by metrics, I am inclined to agree with you 100%

It's like all the angry comments on youtube about how people hate Justin Beiber. Google runs the numbers to see who is the most talked about. His name comes to the top of the list when record companies want to know who to promote.

If you want to punish a publication, spew your venom at their sponsors. Just try not to sound like your feelings are hurt because their articles don't reflect your opinion.

[gfviperman]

Finally read the "article."

It is a compilation of everything vette owners and the mag rags have said about the Viper.

Mostly false and many exaggerated statements.

Going buy an axe handle in case I run into this clown sometime ...

[TIME]

John Phillips - I guess you got bitter as you got older:

http://www.caranddriver.com/columns/...miss-it-column

Everything John lists as a negative is a big plus for me, frying eggs and all. I got my Viper because it is NOT a practical grocery-getter.

[ViperPete]

Man.... that guy is a real douche bag.

Some of the most beautiful and amazing cars ever produced did not have good manners and were brutal on the body.

[The_Ruski_Driver]

Is he trolling? I can't take anyone seriously who whines about wishing these cars came with an auto

[ViperJon]

He's old and he's fat. Not the ideal Viper demographic.

[VENOM V]

That has got to be the poorest excuse for a piece of journalism that I have ever read.

[TitanSnake]

His review carries as much weight as someone who posts negative reviews about an action movie for having to much violence.

[Belobog]

I don't understand how he likes the Alfa 4C so much, but hates the Viper.

[wrh3]

Some get it, some don't......and a lot of non-drivers/enthusiasts work at magazines.